Mitch Hedberg Quotes
Mitch Hedberg was a stand-up comedian known for his deadpan delivery and offbeat observations about everyday life. His jokes find absurdity in the mundane -- escalators, rice, fake plants -- and land with a quiet, sideways logic that sticks with you.
His lines are perfect for lightening up a social media feed, adding humor to a presentation, or sharing a laugh with friends. Scroll through the collection below.
Quotes 1–5 of 59
“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
“Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.”
“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.'”
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